Most Humans Remain 8 Years Old... So Take It Easy

Title: "Most Humans Are 8-Year-Olds... So Take It Easy"

Take a little perusal through Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, and you will see this on full display. When people are emotional about anything in their lives, positive and negative, their emotional internal box becomes activated. When it becomes activated, the 8-year-old appears. Most of our problems could be solved if we fundamentally knew this to be true about ourselves and others. Yet most of us are just not that aware. We are living in a spiritual crisis decade, and now is about as good a time as any to start getting some basic principles in place for the betterment of all humanity.

Over the last 25 years, I have studied the phenomenon of pain. I wanted to travel directly to the core root of that initial trauma and ask: What cataclysmic events transpired that caused all of humanity to unfold? Every decade seems to bring about a new chapter or season of learning. Often a repeated cycle of 40-year tranches. I know we like to think we are so much better or different than a generation before, but in actual fact, we all live through similar experiences of the self. We have better tools, technology, and means of gaining knowledge faster than any other decade. All things at our fingertips. Porn, food, rides, Wikipedia, gossip, access to politicians, celebrities, people from the past, news from countries all around the world, everything lightning fast. Delaying gratification is a thing of the past. But wow did it mess us up royally.

When studying trauma as a child who lived through trauma, we often joke in Psychology that a Psychologist only goes into this field to sort their own issues out. Most will not admit this, but it is often true. We study the mind, the body, the diagnosis, but we often fail to get to the core root of where everything went sideways. I wanted to dive to that time period, to that spot, and explore the events. Like an earthquake, I wanted to get to the epicenter of it all. As a child, I was put through programs for children of alcoholics, told I was an alcoholic, so I was put into an aftercare program. During my degree, we all entered peer support therapy groups. I have studied, put myself through the paces, and this is what I now know to be true.

Fact One: Most of us have a trauma point (yes, even you, the happiest kid of all with parents who are still married). A trauma point is not blunt force; we often brush past it, thinking it doesn't matter, it can be innocuous. It is when we decide: life is not about love. This is not a loving place, and I must change/adapt and figure out how to NOT feel pain. We then spend our entire lives trying to avoid pain, blame someone for our pain, or feel shame about our pain. We spend our lives trying to avoid the unavoidable.

Fact Two: Your trauma point is under the age of 10. Some psychologists argue you are fully formed by age 5; some say age 2! I like 10. It allows for a greater amount of data for your purpose to take shape. Some residual truths are still present. When you experienced that break from your true self (your true self fully and unconditionally believed you were here to be loved), you put all your pain, your purpose, and your emotions into a box and buried them deep within yourself. You cut off from the voice that was leading you to love, and you decided to rely on your understanding.

Fact Three: You were born with a calling. Parked beside that pain point is your purpose. When we experience pain, our body and mind decide to either avoid this feeling or protect ourselves against it. In this moment, we stop being all the things we wanted to be and who we truly are. We bury all the purpose along with the pain. We travel through our lives guided by this "belief" that I will either avoid pain or protect against it so we do not let our true selves out of that box fully. We make reasons and excuses to not be that person. We become either the victim, the martyr, or the perpetrator in our human experience, creating the self-fulfilling prophecy. Yet the calling never leaves us. It was ours at birth, and it is still yours today. It is waiting for you to come and discover all the clues to lead your full purposeful life.

Quick homework, travel in your mind to the first memory you have under 10. It doesn't need to be anything major; just the first memory. The first day of kindergarten, rode a bike, the day your parents split. This is where a shift happened. You stopped. A piece of the spirit broke off. Look at the date. What year was it? For me, my breakpoint was 1981. I created a playlist from 1981. All the music. I watch movies. I live in 1981. It is the first step to opening the box of your true self. For 20 minutes a day, just be in that year for you. See what comes forward. Be prepared. Write all that comes. Your calling has called; pick up the phone.